Waterfall House, Middleburgh, New York
I’ve been through a whirlwind of emotion moving to New York.
Letting go of the past has opened up space for a new life to take root.
I have consciously been abstaining from different things in my life in order to gain clarity on what is important.
There are large reservoirs of emotion within me that are very powerful, that I have been keeping at bay, in part by my abstinence.
Once in a while I dip my finger into the emotion to taste it, allow it to circulate through me, and try to find a balance with it within me.
I am vulnerable, opening myself up to change.
I am attempting to redeem myself and reset my life through this process of change and through my writing.
I have to remember to stay humble in this process. I must be conscious of trying to be closer to GOD, not wanting something from GOD.
Part of this change is healing through sexuality; healing the pain of past sexual relationships, and some of the ways that I have explored sexuality that are not in line with my truth.
I am finding my truth.
My current relationship with Marie is part of finding that truth.
But I have to open up, trust, and be vulnerable with her.
I can channel the power of my sexuality and my desire for true intimacy with Marie to create magic between us.
I am finding a place of balance within me that recognizes and honors who I truly am.
It will manifest itself through my writing.
Others around me will recognize this and help to foster it.
I am grounded in all of this, but my feet are not yet on the ground.
I am protected in this process of reflection, change, and growth by the gatekeepers – the sentinels – of the underworld, my path lit by the moon, in my search through the darkness of self.
I need not fear, as only those who are true of heart and spirit can go with me on this journey.
I need not associate with those who will distract me from my truth.
I should associate with those who are ambitious, but not greedy, feed off of and emulate their drive.
I have fire and drive, but I need to see it done by someone else, then I can feed my work and keep the wheel of writing turning, manifesting.
The future is a house that is sturdy and well kept settling into place.
I must continue to keep, and tend to the house until it settles.
Marie and I have a powerful union.
I am resistant to the change that is taking place in the new design of our relationship, as its makeup is unfamiliar to me.
But I must remain open and vulnerable to the experience of the new with Marie, as we have something very strong together.
I simply have to LOVE Marie and honor her for who she is.
Others will see what we have and appreciate it.
I need alone time away from the relationship to gather my strength – 3 to 5 days at a time. At first Marie will not understand it and it will be painful for her.
But when I return, and she sees me, and when she sees what I bring back to her and the relationship, she will trust my leaving and see my beauty.