Sunday, 30 August 2009

Another Girl

Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York

This one will come off the top of my drunken head. Usually I edit a post two or three times. This one I'm simply gonna let rip, for better, or most likely worse. I used to do this when I was in College way back in the day (yes I went to College ((for a little while) you fucking assholes)). I would be really drunk thinking that I was writing the most amazing heartfelt thing that the world had ever heard or known, only to wake up hungover, read it, and want to vomit. Let's do it again. I only seem to learn the hard way.

I lost my place there for a second because I'm drunk, and I was eating Migas that I made myself. The Migas need more cheese I think, or something.

10 reasons that Marie may not want to come home from Upstate:

1- Because I told her last week at the yoga retreat Upstate that I had feelings for a girl that I worked with. There, I said it. Not as bad as it sounds - I'll explain later (and I think that I can justify this one - if I can hold the thought).

2- Because she's mad at me for having feelings for a girl that I work with (not as bad as it sounds, I swear to God, and plan to plead my case later on).

3- Because it's boring here. That's true. I've been here the whole time that she hasn't, and it's pretty boring here without her. The most exciting thing that I've done since she's been gone nearly a week is get drunk - which I did without premeditation or determination (maybe I'll tell you about that later too if I remember, but frankly, I'm not that concerned about telling you stuff right now.)

4- Because if she comes back she has to deal with us. And really, I think we can all agree, that's boring.

5- It's hot here.

6- Possibly some asshole like Tucker (Tucker, I don't meant that in a personal way, as I like you, really, but I mean it in more of a way that my girlfriend may rather have your company than mine, type of way, and I don't like that.) Or maybe there's some other douschebag up there that holds her interest more than mine right now - I get it, I'm not always so fucking fascinating.

7- I'm broke, depressive and lazy, and sometimes insecure. Who wants to hang out with a guy like that?

8- It's boring here with me. Did I say this already? Well, whatever, trust me, it's true. I've been here all week with me, and I'm pretty bored.

9- There's nothing to do when your broke.

10- Doing the same boring shit over and over again with the same person can get fucking boring.

So to explain any of the above aforementioned statements: the girl that I had "feelings" for was something that seemed to me natural and organic, and I felt like I did the right thing, by telling Marie. I told her last week at the yoga retreat that she was cooking at. Or more precisely, just before the retreat started. Maybe I told her because I found out when we got there that her past infatuation Tucker was going to be there, or maybe I just wanted to clear my conscience? Either way, I told her that I had feelings for a girl that I worked with who was smart, pretty, interesting, fun, and either attentive at times, or simply available. I wanted to tell Marie as it seemed like I was entering a gray area with the girl where the relationship wasn't defined (she and I would talk about relationships, problems and life) and I felt that I was developing feelings for her beyond the friendship level of connection. And I thought that I should tell Marie this, as I felt that, one: it would help to nip things in the bud; and two: I just wanted to let Marie know that she was the one I wanted to be with, and I wanted to give us the best chance possible. Maybe it's a bad sign that I had feelings for someone else? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything? Maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm doing? I've never had this happen before in a relationship. I tried to do the right thing. When I got back from Upstate I told the girl at a party for work that I had feelings for her, but that I loved Marie, and I that I wanted to be respectful of that.

Maybe Marie just needs some time away from us? Maybe I need some time away from us too (she's calling on Skype as I type - not answering).

Maybe I just needed to get drunk and write? I wasn't going to get drunk. But I've got justifications that I don't really want to get into right now... I'm tired. Good night.

* Or maybe she's mad because I wanted to go to Burning Man with my friends from Utah and didn't have any money and was going to use the voucher airline ticket that I gave her from when I got bumped coming back to New York from Utah last time?


1 comment:

  1. Duncan! You NEVER tell a girlfriend stuff like that. It doesn't prove your love to her, it jeopardizes it. I don't expect to hear anything like that unless it's something serious which translates to *threat*. That type of honesty is the type you use when you are LEAVING and plan to never look back. Silly kids ;)


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