Thursday, 29 October 2009

Are You Okay?

Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York

I'm not okay.
If you have to ask if I'm okay it probably means that I'm not okay.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that you care enough to ask whether or not I'm okay, it's just that usually, if you have to ask whether or not I'm okay, you've done something that makes me feel not so okay.
And more than not, when you ask if I'm okay, that means that you're not okay, which means that I've most likely done something that makes you feel like I'm going away. Which is not okay. Because I don't want to go away, but at the same time I don't want to be in a relationship where things seem to often be not okay.
And the problem is, is that I don't seem to know how to make things okay. Because if I have a problem with something, that's not okay with you.
But if I don't say something when I have a problem, that's not okay with me.
So, you see, it seems to me that we're constantly having to ask each other whether or not the other is okay because we know that whatever it is that we're doing by being who we are is just not okay with the other.
It just feels like we're not okay.
And that makes me sad for both of us.
I don't want to break up, but I don't see how we're going to stop this dysfunctional dance that we're doing with each other, stepping on each others toes, constantly hurting each other, making each other feel like we're not okay.


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