Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York
Our therapist said today that I left the door open for the other girl to step in. That I invited the attention and that I had to make it clear with women that I I'm in a relationship - Black and White. There's no gray area.
There's no room for gray area in this city. It's one giant meat market out there.
And didn't I think that it was ironic, the therapist asked, that I was the one flirting with disaster, when I'm the one so concerned about that happening to me?
I do think that it's ironic. I also said that I think it's ironic that Marie was now the one waving the monogamy flag after making me feel somewhat prude and conventional in the beginning of the relationship with my antiquated ideas of fidelity.
Oh, the irony of it all!
We're both learning from, and teaching each other so much... She's teaching me how to love. And I'm teaching her how to be a fucking hypocrite - but I did nip it in the bud (now I simply have to be clear with all the women of New York: I'm a taken man... sound of hearts breaking and tears in the background).
I have to admit that it was nice to see Marie squirm a little on the couch (yeah, I'm an asshole, but sometimes it's nice to know that the other person really cares - she's not always a gusher with her feelings). There's probably a psychiatric term for all of this (and it's probably not a nice term for me), and seemingly boils down to this: flirt, or lead someone on to let mate know that you're a valuable commodity, only to leave door open too long causing uncomfortable awkwardness for all involved, having door swing back and smack you in the face. I think "dickhead" is the psychiatric term I'm looking for. Yeah, I think that fits.
But seriously, you've really got to be on your game up here in New York. This city seems like one big bar set up to help facilitate the tryst, whatever that tryst may be.
In all sincerity, it all just makes me appreciate Marie even more for her magnanimous understanding and undeterred devotion. I don't know if I'd be so gracious. She's quite something.
And I feel lame.