Skinny Jeans

Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York

Looks like the joke's on me on again... Jesus, when will I learn? If I mock, deride or make fun of something, God seems to find it endlessly amusing for me to walk a mile in the jeans that I find so amusing - pun intended. Skinny jeans in this case. Before I moved up here last year from Austin I was working in a bar where half the IDs that came through were held by skinny jean wearing hipsters from NYC. When I moved to Williamsburg I realized where they were all coming from and worried about snapping their tiny little legs like saplings, or sending them flying off the Williamsburg Bridge whining into the river as I passed them with my virile Texas energy. I almost felt sorry for them they looked so undernourished and pale. Sad pasty faced little victims of some sort of cultural psychic molestation or vampirism. Looks like the vampire is the City. I've been feeling it's impure effects for the last year now, breaking me down slowly, grinding my life force into a pulp, draining my psyche and withering my frame. I could literally see myself changing, morphing into a stoic looking statue with pools of sickly under my eyes as I stared into the mirror thinking, 'Man, I'm lookin' gaunt. My clothes are a little baggy. Maybe I should get something tighter? Huh?' It was a strange thought, scared me a little. Then I understood. The tight fitting clothes are a second skin in a futile defense that attempts to ward off the attacking elements, a futile attempt create a cocoon of safety, security in an insecure environment. It was happening. I was becoming a neurotic city dweller. Then I got a job where skinny jeans were actually issued. And I preferred them. I was becoming a New Yorker. It was official when I got my NY ID in the mail looking like a dazed and sallow numb scare crow as opposed to my passport photo that I got one year ago just after moving up from Texas - right before Marie and I went to Ecuador - where I looked like a slightly menacing formidable man. Welcome to New York City, man...

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